{"product_id":"taser-myself","title":"If I Owned a Taser, I’d Probably Taser Myself And That’s Why I Don’t Have One T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSavage, hilarious, and self-aware. The “If I Owned a Taser, I’d Probably Taser Myself… And That’s Why I Don’t Have One” T-shirt is for anyone who knows their curiosity can be dangerous—and also very funny.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePerfect for risk-takers, dark-humor lovers, and anyone who laughs at their own questionable decisions, this tee turns chaos into a bold style statement.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• Soft, breathable fabric for all-day comfort\u003cbr\u003e• Relaxed, unisex fit for easy casual wear\u003cbr\u003e• Durable, high-quality print that keeps the humor shocking\u003cbr\u003e• Ideal for casual outings, friend hangouts, or sparking laughs without saying a word\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eChest (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34–37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38–41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42–45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46–49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50–53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e54–57\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"Goofy Wear","offers":[{"title":"Pink \/ S","offer_id":51941717704980,"sku":"3872575_4136","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pink \/ M","offer_id":51941717737748,"sku":"3872575_4137","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pink \/ L","offer_id":51941717770516,"sku":"3872575_4138","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pink \/ XL","offer_id":51941717803284,"sku":"3872575_4139","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pink \/ 2XL","offer_id":51941717836052,"sku":"3872575_4140","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pink \/ 3XL","offer_id":51941717868820,"sku":"3872575_5303","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pink \/ 4XL","offer_id":51941717901588,"sku":"3872575_5318","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ S","offer_id":51941716984084,"sku":"3872575_8923","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ M","offer_id":51941717016852,"sku":"3872575_8924","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ L","offer_id":51941717049620,"sku":"3872575_8925","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ XL","offer_id":51941717082388,"sku":"3872575_8926","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":51941717115156,"sku":"3872575_8927","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":51941717147924,"sku":"3872575_8928","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ 4XL","offer_id":51941717180692,"sku":"3872575_8929","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black Heather \/ 5XL","offer_id":51941717213460,"sku":"3872575_12878","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Mauve \/ S","offer_id":51941717246228,"sku":"3872575_9395","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Mauve \/ M","offer_id":51941717278996,"sku":"3872575_9396","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Mauve \/ L","offer_id":51941717311764,"sku":"3872575_9397","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Mauve \/ XL","offer_id":51941717344532,"sku":"3872575_9398","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Mauve \/ 2XL","offer_id":51941717377300,"sku":"3872575_9399","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Mauve \/ 3XL","offer_id":51941717410068,"sku":"3872575_9400","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Mauve \/ 4XL","offer_id":51941717442836,"sku":"3872575_9401","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gold \/ S","offer_id":51941717475604,"sku":"3872575_4081","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gold \/ M","offer_id":51941717508372,"sku":"3872575_4082","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gold \/ L","offer_id":51941717541140,"sku":"3872575_4083","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gold \/ XL","offer_id":51941717573908,"sku":"3872575_4084","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gold \/ 2XL","offer_id":51941717606676,"sku":"3872575_4085","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gold \/ 3XL","offer_id":51941717639444,"sku":"3872575_5299","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gold \/ 4XL","offer_id":51941717672212,"sku":"3872575_5314","price":29.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0991\/3778\/2036\/files\/Pink_788ce074-6bf6-425b-ad9e-15372c63dbc6.jpg?v=1770233812","url":"https:\/\/goofywear.com\/products\/taser-myself","provider":"Fibro and Chronic Pain","version":"1.0","type":"link"}